THE MYSTERY OF BEING HERE

I took out time to go through my past posts, and I’ve noticed I sound somewhat like a saddist.

Lol *sigh* oh well… you can’t blame me. It’s a crazy  world we live in out here.

Too many mysteries, unaswered questions and doubts.

Ever wish you could pause time and try to comprehend all around you?

Get to wonder what your purpose here on earth is?

Ever just ask why?

Wonder if there is really a heaven?

Tempted to feel all we have is here and right now?

Wonder if we live life in circles? If we keep coming back in different bodies when we’re gone?  “Re-incarnation”.

Damn! Life is hard!!!

And tiring!

I’m tired of constantly trying figure out my purpose.

What am I here on earth for?

Have you figured yours out?

How did you come to that conclusion?

Is life just a whirlwind of unending questions?

Do we really have choices? Or all we are doing has been pre-destined?

The bible says HE knew us before we were born, and no strand of hair falls out our hair without his knowledge.

Why then is sin prevalent in the world?  Why is there war?  Violence?  Hate?  Robbery?  Gossip? Prostitution? Ardent poverty? Rape?  Early deaths?  Heart aches?  Hurt?  Why?

Why has HE allowed us play these roles?

Why not just stop us from the get go?

Why?

Whats the point?

Makes me doubt my faith atimes. It’s beginning to seem like some words just used to soothe our selves. “it is well”,  “God knows best”,  “HE wouldn’t give you a cross you can’t carry”.

Aaaarrrghhh!!!  The weight of this cross of mine has been too heavy to carry.

Cold world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A letter to my Daddy

Hello daddy, 

hope you are fine?  It's 18th february today, 363 days ( 2 days to a year) since I realized calling, texting, or seeing you was NEVER gonna be possible. 

I've really missed you daddy.

When you passed on, I couldn't wait for the burial, thought I'd feel better afterwards, but I didn't. Thought I'd feel better after a month, but months passed on, and nothing changed. It's already a year now, and it still feels like yesterday.

I can't help but ask how and why God picks some of us and makes us go through and live with such pain. 

Of late, I see you a lot in my dreams.  Could it be that your soul is lingering around earth now that it's almost a year? The  other night, I saw you in my dream, I ran after you and screamed but you didn't  seem to hear my voice. That really broke my heart, I wanted just a word with you.

It's true what they say daddy, you never really know what you have till it's gone.

I remember all our silly fights and I wish I could take them all back and use that moment to spend quality father - daughter moments with you.

I ache when I see some folks nag and not wanna keep in touch with their dads/mums, cause I'll give it all up to spend just 10seconds with you, hug you tight and tell you I love you.

Life has been tough without you, really tough. 

I sometimes feel I'd never be truly completely happy cause of this emptiness I feel in my heart,  and i feel you would have handled issues differently if you were here (really wonder how you were able to do it all, all by yourself) . I do miss you soooooo much.

Hey daddy, don't be sad now. Your absence has made me stronger,I'm a fighter now. I never let go, I hang on and trust God. 

I aspire to be selfless like you too, I try to always practice humility, peace and unity just like you always did and preached. 

Due to the man that you were, blessings have been coming our way, and I know you are right there with God interceding on our behalf. 

I've got a job now, so has Annie. Terhemba graduated with good grades awaiting his NYSC, Torrumun is in his final year (Law) , aspiring to step into your shoes.*sigh*

Mummy? Mummy has been really strong and amazing!  She surprised me too, I never thought she would be able to make it on earth a day without you, cause of how attached to you she was, but I thank God, cause she's been strong. She has taken the farm to a whole new level, and has even started producing table water.  After your name actually "Orvenz" table water. Not too bad right? We'd keep hanging on. Continue to rest well till we meet again.   p:s Hope you had a lovely valentines day up there? :) I love you.