I actually wrote dis post two years back,while awaiting my NYSC.It was a long wait,I stayed home for two whole years depressed and filled with anger,that's actually what inspired this write up.
Today makes it exactly a month since I lost my dad to a car accident.I still find it hard to accept that his actually gone.I miss him sooooo much,words can't even start to describe.How can a man soooo full of life leave just like that? I hate to say his dead,cause the word "death/dead" feels so far fetched in describing what has become of a man like my dad.I prefer to say his gone,or has left earth.This post,was initially titled "Hate",a friend of mine helped me edit it,and had me read it.it"s quite amazing how it describes my current situation and comforts me.My mums says it's scary.lol... Well, here it is,enjoy and stay blessed.
TRANSFORMATIONS
It advanced menacing,
Mean and dark
Fierce, with deep tormenting hard eyes
It speaks no word but instills fear and anger.
As it walked towards me, those tormenting eyes weakened my knees, planting fright in me.
I fell to the floor helpless.
I felt my heart ache, and then felt it no more, as its claws took it out of me.
I lay there on the floor feeling empty, no love, no care –
Just bitterness, anger, depression and HATRED!!
With this, all my dreams, hopes and worth were tarnished – vanished.
In its stead came self pity and no self worth.
Every other night, I cried myself to sleep. Sleeping itself was hard.
I felt the whole world take me for a joke and think me worthless.
I confided in anger and hatred. They became my best friends.
Still, I caught the view
Two arms always spread apart, waiting to embrace me, but I always walked on by in thought:
"What the hell can a silly embrace do for me?"
Then, on that faithful night, as I lay on my bed crying, I saw those arms again, and decided to give them a try.
I went in for the embrace, the arms held me so tight, as if never ever wanting to let go of me.
It was the warmest embrace, that of a father to a child promising to always guard me.
The look in its eyes, that of a mother to a child telling me she'd always love me
Assuring me we would pull through whatever, together.
The smile on the lips, that of siblings and true friends overlooking my mood swings
Smiling just to show they understand me.
And then it struck me. That warm embrace was Christ himself.
He restored my heart (love) back to me and assured me through that warm embrace that all would be well,
And he'd always be here for me. He made me see how lovely a family and friends he has given me.
They are always going to love, care trust and believe in me regardless…
I love you Jesus. Thank you for giving me a piece of you here on earth
In the peace of this lovely family and friends.
"...THE LORD NEVER PROMISED US A STORMLESS LIFE, BUT HE SURE GAVE US HOPE TO SEE THE END''
